Betrothal

It’s Sunday evening, the 25th of October. We’re in the cafeteria having dinner when the door leading to the offices opens. Nobody is paying much attention—until suddenly a loud voice announces, “We have an announcement to make: we are getting married.”

Well, now everyone is paying attention, trying to work out exactly who is getting married to whom. The cafeteria erupts with joyful shouts and enthusiastic table-thumping as Thomas Smith and Cassie Bartell stand together, flushed with excitement. Nobody had any idea.

Betrothal is a bit of a new concept to us. When we first began keeping the feasts, we were introduced to the Waller family, and one of the DVDs available is called Betrothed. We watched it with fascination. It was beautiful, and we loved the concept. But how does it actually work? To some, it might seem like an arranged marriage, or perhaps like committing to marry someone you don’t really know.

We first had the pleasure of witnessing a betrothal just over two years ago. Our good friend’s daughter came to HaYovel for three months, and while she was here, a lovely young man realised that she was the one for him. What made it so beautiful was that she had no idea. His family came out, and together they prayed for confirmation from God, while the rest of his family—his parents and sisters—took time to get to know her better.

HaYovel has very clear and careful guidelines about how men and women interact, as a way of protecting both parties. Hearts can be given too easily to the wrong person and then broken. That doesn’t mean people don’t talk to one another—rather, it means they don’t spend time alone together or become flirtatious.

After he returned home, the young man phoned our friend—her father—and asked for her hand in marriage. She was told, and then given the opportunity to pray and seek Abba’s counsel for herself. On that Sabbath morning, God spoke clearly to their whole family, confirming that this was His will. It was beautiful to watch them begin to get to know one another when he later came over for two weeks. Never before had we witnessed such deep, genuine love between two people. They are now married and have since welcomed their first baby.

And now, we have the opportunity to witness a betrothal first-hand.

One of the most striking things about this one is that no one knew. Thomas had first had Cassie laid on his heart about five months earlier and had been earnestly seeking God about her—but she had no idea. He wasn’t making eye contact, hinting at his intentions, or telling his friends (although he did have one staff member praying for him). Once he was confident it was right, he contacted Cassie’s father to ask permission to seek her hand in marriage. After that permission was given, he asked for her hand.

Thomas chose Cassie’s favourite place, Elon Moreh, for the proposal—the very spot where God promised Abraham that He would give the land to him and to his descendants.

Interestingly enough, God had told Cassie a year earlier that she was going to marry him. But because she wasn’t particularly attracted to him at the time, she forgot about it—only to remember when her dad phoned to say that someone had asked for her hand in marriage, a man called Thomas Smith, and asked, “Do you know him?”

WHY BETROTHAL?

Betrothal is a picture of Messiah. When He sat at the table with His disciples at the last Passover, He said of the wine:

Then he took a cup, and when he had given thanks, he gave it to them, saying, “Drink from it, all of you. This is my blood of the covenant, which is poured out for many for the forgiveness of sins. I tell you, I will not drink from this fruit of the vine from now on until that day when I drink it new with you in my Father’s kingdom.” Matthew 26:27 – 29

Let not your heart be troubled; you believe in God, believe also in Me. In My Father’s House are many dwelling places; if it were not so, I would have told you. I go to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again and receive you to Myself; that where I am, there you may be also. And where I go you know, and the way you know. John 14:1-3

He is going away to prepare a place for us in His Father’s house—the Temple. We, His bride, remain here, and we must be ready for His return, which could be at any moment. When He comes, we will meet Him in the air and go to Jerusalem, where His Father’s house is located.

And so, in most betrothals, we see the same imagery. A man asks for a woman, they enter into an unbreakable covenant, and then he leaves to prepare a place for her. Some couples even choose a window of a few days or a week in which he will return—because we “know neither the day nor the hour.”

Cassie has given me permission to share their story with you, and I hope to draw you into the pure delight of a beautiful, God-ordained union.

Generally, after the “yes” and before the betrothal ceremony, the couple spends time getting to know one another while writing their ketubah and making practical arrangements—but always in company. You will usually find someone hovering in the background. Most couples also choose a “no touching” rule, which is really special. It reminds me of the verse in Song of Solomon that speaks of “not awakening love until the time is right.”

We have watched Thomas and Cassie transition from two single people into a couple—now sitting together at meals, spending time outside on the picnic tables, and hanging out with other couples. This may not seem particularly significant, but up until this point, the men tend to spend time with the men, and the women with the women. What has been especially lovely is that there has been no awkwardness between them. They have transitioned so naturally into being together, and they simply seem to fit.

THEIR CEREMONY

It’s Tuesday morning. Some of the girls have stayed behind to help with decorations. Becca Waller is the head of decorations at HaYovel and always does an amazing job for special occasions. Everyone else is busy planting trees.

I went to help wherever I could and found myself folding napkins in the cafeteria. Cassie eventually wandered in and sat down, gently strumming her guitar. The only things she still needed to do before the ceremony were to get dressed and do her hair. The kitchen crew were hard at work preparing the food, while the young men—and the gator—were constantly coming and going, transporting chairs down to the betrothal site.

At three o’clock, everyone gathered at the corner of the base, all beautifully dressed. Cassie looked radiant in her newly made dress. Havah Waller seems to excel at just about everything, including making clothes out of whatever happens to be on hand. This particular dress had once been a tablecloth that was no longer needed—and it was stunning. Shopping isn’t very easy during lockdown, and HaYovel has become wonderfully adept at improvisation.

Once everyone had arrived, the couple led us down the road and across the vineyards to the chuppah, where the betrothal would take place. The weather had cooled slightly, and rain clouds were gathering on the horizon. This, of course, was a great blessing, as rain is a sign of God’s blessing on the Land.

It was a wonderful afternoon. We sang worship songs and listened to several meaningful speakers. Something Tommy shared really spoke to me. He said that the time when a couple is separated is a season of intense longing. They are married in God’s eyes, yet they have chosen to be apart. This mirrors Mary and Joseph’s betrothal, and just as a betrothed couple longs for one another, so we should long for Messiah’s return. It should be a burning in our souls—one that makes us restless and unable to be truly content until He returns.

After the speeches, both sets of parents phoned in to bless the couple. Thomas and Cassie then read from their ketubah—their wedding covenant—and sealed it with a glass of wine.

After the ceremony, we all walked back to base, where tables had been set up outside and lavishly decorated. It was a feast: salmon and tagliatelle Alfredo, with sweet potato and salad. It was a superb meal.

Towards the end of the meal, it began to spit with rain, so we all grabbed a chair and a fork and headed into the cafeteria, which had been tidied up after all the betrothal preparations that had taken place there. There is always so much work going on behind the scenes.

Then it was time for dancing. The girls and the guys dance separately—unless they are married, of course. It’s such fun to watch: the girls with their graceful movements, and the guys with their high-energy dancing. Cassie and Thomas did dance together, but they used a tea towel, each holding one end.

AFTER THE BETROTHAL

Thomas and Cassie have chosen not to touch at all until their wedding day. They will remain at HaYovel until the 15th of November, after which Cassie will return to her home in Oklahoma and Thomas to his parents in Oregon, until their marriage in January.

Being separated will be difficult, but it will also be a time of preparation and a building of anticipation—for the day when he comes to take her home.